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“Sex Tape” – Early Review (NEGATIVE)

July 17, 2014

Screen shot 2014-07-17 at 4.33.40 PM

What the hell happened Jason Segel??? Honestly, you were one of my ‘boys’ and recently you’ve become an embarrassment. Your lackluster finale that is “How I Met Your Mother” (not his fault but fault by association), the horrendously bad “Bad Teacher”, and now you’re reuniting with the same team behind such a comedy bore???

And Ms. (Cameron) Diaz…you know what, you’re too easy. Her track record speaks for herself, I mean if you’re resulting to your first ‘full-fledged nude performances’ (which was underwhelming), that should be an automatic red flag that you’re coming off as DESPERATE! This is the second film of the summer that’s made my ass hurt, having to sit through such indescribable awfulness!

But, lets review what the plot of “Sex Tape” is all about (not much of a stretch). Jay (Segel) and Annie (Diaz) are a married couple still very much in love, but ten years and two kids have cooled the passion of their personal sexual Olympics. They decide to make a sex tape, which seems like a great idea until they discover that their most private video has gone public, through the treacherous CLOUD.

I know you’re supposed to suspend all amounts of disbelief when it comes to watch ANY movie, but my god, there has to be a limit to how much nonsense and out of left field curves can be made in a movie such as this. At least in “Neighbors”, Nic Stoller found a common ground to make the scenarios somewhat believable even how extravagant they may appear. In “Sex Tape”, all logic is thrown out the window, it’s like someone is trying too hard to make a poorly done live-action episode of “Family Guy”.

Screen shot 2014-07-17 at 4.33.46 PMTo the films credit, there’s one character of the entire film that’s actually amusing, and that’s Jay’s 12-year-old nemesis Howard (Harrison Holzer). Honestly, I wanted to see more of that in the movie, Jay & Howard’s confrontations, it was comedy gold and they merely scratched the surface of what it could’ve been.

Too many missed opportunities, too much nonsense that leads to nothing (why is pineapple supposed to be funny), overlong use of improving (horrid pacing) and quite frankly a plot that is utterly too dumb for it’s own good. I hate movie reviews with basic verbal attacks, but this movie has infuriated me to a near breaking point!  When will August 1st get here? I wanna see the Guardians NOW!

GRADE: F

 

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