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The Lucky 13: Favorite Anti-Valentine’s Day Movies

February 13, 2014

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Valentine’s day is seriously one of the worst holidays on the calendar (next to Flag day). It’s a day where guilt trips are played, and no matter what you do, it’s NEEEEVVVEERRRR good enough.

Okay, I’m a cynic, I’ve had some bullshit Valentine’s in the past, so excuse me for being so curt. Here, I vent, this is MY blog, and what better way to express my emotions than share my lucky 13 favorite anti-love stories to watch on V-Day.

Hopefully my selection gives you some idea of what to watch with your significant other, if you’re not in the mood to watch “Bridget Jones” or some Katherine Heigl

Enjoy!

13. “Revolutionary Road” – Wanna watch something that’ll break your heart faster than the Titanic sinking into the Abyss? Watch Leo & Kate hate. By the end you’ll wanna slit your wrists, it’s THAT depressing.

12.“Very Bad Things” – Bunch of dudes, having fun in Vegas, Bachelor weekend, they accidentally kill a hooker, and….wait what?!? Before the naughtiness of “The Hangover”, there was “Very Bad Things”.

11. Sideways – Alexander Payne’s third entry in the men of lost souls saga (the ladder being “Election” “About Schmidt”), we find two best friends having a bachelor weekend in the wine country, in Northern California, only to find one dealing with depression after a serious break up, while the groom is conflicted about actually getting married. Mid-life crisis anyone?

10. “Natural Born Killers” – Quentin Tarantino & Oliver Stone team up to tell this modern day Bonnie/Clyde tale about two young lovers out on the road, killing every chance they get! Why because it’s wild and FUN!

9. “War of the Roses” – Danny DeVito directs his pal Michael Douglas, and the (then) lovely Kathleen Turner, in this 1989 black comedy, based upon the 1981 novel The War of the Roses by Warren Adler. The film follows a wealthy couple with a what seems to be the ideal marriage. However, when their marriage begins to fall apart, material possessions become the center of an outrageous and bitter divorce battle, which ends quite…severe. An epic cautionary tale about marriage and how sometimes it can be the best or worst idea one can make.

8. “Blue is the Warmest Color” – I’ve already yucked this movie up on countless other Lucky 13 lists. Here’s the abridged description: two young lesbians fall in love, then fall out of love. Sad, no? For more, check out my review from last year, right here.

Available on Netflix Streaming Feb. 25th

7. “Blue Valentine” – Another cautionary tale about the woes of marriage. As we follow young couple from the days of their youth to parenthood and how sometimes love at first sight never amounts to what the other had hoped for.

6. “(500) Days of Summer” – We’ve seen the classic chick flick tale countless times, where the girl complains to her friends about a terrible break up. In Marc Webb’s film, we get the same story, told in a very unique way, from the guys perspective. A cult indie hit from Sundance, and beloved by many JGL & Zoey Deschanel fans alike.

5. “Happiness” – Written and directed by the infamous Todd Solondz, “Happiness” portrays the lives of three sisters, their families, and those around them in a tale about the different levels of twisted sexual desire. And when I say twisted, please do NOT take that lightly when you watch this movie.

4. “Sid and Nancy” – Ever hear the term in a relationship, ‘You guys are totally Sid & Nancy.’ Of course you have, many of you have seen “(500) Days of Summer. Well, the woeful life of Sid Vicious (Gary Oldman), bassist of the seminal punk rock band the Sex Pistols, and his relationship with girlfriend Nancy Spungen (Chloe Webb) is something you should consider learning if you wanna understand WHY people say that about your ‘lovely’ relationship.

3. “Double Indemnity” – Billy Wilder’s all-time CLASSIC film noir, about a beautiful dame, convincing a seemingly normal insurance salesman, to kill her husband, so they can run off together with his insurance claim. But everything goes from BAD to WORSE. Never trust a dame, they’ll kill you when you’re not even looking.

Available on Netflix Streaming

2. “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” – Ever desire to forget about a terrible break-up/relationship. At the NY Lacuna Inc. they have the know how, and technology to wipe your mind clean of such terrible memories.

1. “True Romance” – This is my all time FAVORITE anti-romance movie. The story about the couple, Clarence & Sonny, is actually quite sweet/lovable, it’s the bat-shit crazy bullshit surrounding them is what makes this entertaining action pic a fun rompus time to watch with yourself or your twisted significant other on V-Day. Written by Tarantino and directed by the late-great Tony Scott.

Aaron Shore, is a contributing blogger for the film sites of Hudak on Hollywood & Midnight Reviews.

You can follow Aaron on Twitter @DoubleAAProd

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