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“The Great Gatsby” – Review (NEGATIVE)

May 21, 2013

The-Great-Gatsby-2013-Movie-PosterBaz FUCKIN’ Luhrmann! If there’s one thing that crazed Australian “FILMMAKER” is known for, it’s whoring up the silver screen with bizarre cinematic spectacles that make no sense whatsoever to the films plot or development. I mean…do whatever you want to Shakespeare’s Romeo & Juliet, make a scene with “Moulin Rouge”, bore us to tears with “Australia”, but for the love of god, leave “The Great Gatsby” alone! Oh wait, too late.

In case you didn’t go to sophomore English class, let me give you the basic plot about this troublesome F. Scott Fitzgerald tale. The story follows Nick Carraway (Tobey Maguire), a Fitzgerald wanna be writer, who’s lured into the lavish world of his neighbor, Jay Gatsby (Leonardo DiCaprio). Soon enough, however, Carraway will see through the cracks of Gatsby’s nouveau riche existence, where obsession, madness, and tragedy await all of them.

Look, this is the fourth adaptation of F. Scott’s great American novel, the story isn’t progressing nor is it ever going to change, hell at this point, I’d welcome a modern day twist of the book, but what’s that going to prove? The only real good cinematic version of “The Great Gatsby” would have to be the Robert Redford one, and even that wasn’t all that enticing.

Are there any props to give this film? Well I commend the movie for trying to be different, by exploiting the lush extravagance of the rich. You seriously cannot exploit 1920’s rich people than this film, that’s for damn sure. But the problem this movie has suffered is that it’s just to damn noisy. It’s all over the place, it’s chaotic, it’s trying to play out as some rap music video that’s gone all 20’s-style because it’s trying to be hip. Baz’s film lacks any authenticity that the original source material was trying to say. If you’re caught up in all the visual bullshit, you lose sight on the substance of the story. Let me make this clear for all you 15 year old girls out there; VISUALS DON’T MEAN SHIT, UNLESS IT’S POWERED BY A GOOD STORY WITH DEEMING SUBSTANCE!

This movie, as you may have guessed, has infuriated me. It’s times like these where I’ve stop questioning why Hollywood won’t give original auteur’s the chance to embrace something ‘new’ and innovative, no, now I’ve come to terms with it and accepted the fact that Hollywood will never change. It’ll take a classic book and rip the pages out and turn it into a 3D ocular-fuck-fest! AND I DON’T EVEN REALLY LIKE THE ORIGINAL BOOK! How messed up is that? Get ready for the next brilliant adaptation from Baz Lurhmann, when he does a 3D version of “Moby Dick”, but the white whale is a giant puppet and everything else is abstract.

Stiff acting, wrong musical choice, and a lengthy runtime also don’t pull any favors for this stupid bore of a movie. But, hey, it’s making some money, and people are dumb enough to buy into this crap, so who am I to say it’s bad, RIGHT!?!? Yeah, yeah, whatever.


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