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“Pain & Gain” – Early Review (POSITIVE)

April 25, 2013

Screen shot 2013-04-25 at 8.24.14 PMMichael Bay claims his new true comedy crime story is going to be his “Fargo”. The fucking nerve of that guy! I cannot fucking stand that piece of shit fuck! Ok. I’m getting a head of myself, as you’ve read in the title of this article I gave this movie a ‘positive’ rating. What? How? Why Aaron? Why? I was ready to go in and tear this movies ass a whole new one, nothing from the trailers made me even consider any amount of good radiating off the film, with the exception of The Rock, but besides that, nothing! Then I saw the movie from start to finish, and to my ultimate dismay…I…I…liked it.  -_-

Based on the unbelievable true story about weightlifting, steroid taking, work trainer Danny Lugo (Mark Wahlberg). A Miami beef head who has one thing on his mind, well two, money & success. That’s the key to happiness according to Danny. He doesn’t want to wear sweat pants to work for the rest of his life. Danny’s new client, is a pure greedy scumbag who doesn’t deserve all the money & success he’s been given. Victor Kershaw (Tony Shaloub) is the human embodiment of scum. Danny enlists his muscle bound bros, Paul (Dwayne Johnson) & Adrian (Anthony Mackie), to pull off what he considers the perfect crime; kidnap Kershaw and force him to sign over his monies over to Danny and his pals. What’s the worst that could happen?

Let me first say this, this movie is sloppy. Sloppy placed together, some of the casting is sloppily thrown together, and it’s structure was very sloppy. Having said that, Michael Bay’s classic action movie “Transformers”-hard on approach to a dramatic story is somewhat affective. The sloppiness, to a certain extent plays to the films absurd storyline. There are moments, crazy moments in the film, moments where it becomes truly disturbing, the movie literally reminds the audience: ‘This is STILL a TRUE STORY”. I did a little research about this case, and for most part, a lot of the crap that goes on with these three knuckleheads is quite factual, which is scary, because it makes you ask the ultimate question: How can ANYBODY be this stupid?

The trio, Mark, Rock, and Mackie play off each others riffs to a T. The Rock seriously steals the entire movie as his Jesus loving character Paul. His scenes with Tony Shaloub’s Kershaw crack me up to tears, I swear it does. After I saw 2011’s “The Other Guys”, I said, ‘Man, Marky Mark needs to do more comedies’. Mark Wahlberg is a fantastic drama actor turn comic, and this role is the ultimate comedic role for, it goes as far as scaring the audience at times.

But, lets not forget people, this is a Michael Bay movie, so everything you could expect from a Bay film is pretty much amped up here. It’s 2+ hour Victoria’s Secret stylized crime film, his intense camera work is nauseating, I mean, why was there any need to use GoPro cameras the way they were utilized in this film, I just don’t understand how you can mix 35mm film shot, digital RED Epic shot, and 1080p GoPro shot footage, blend it together, and think you can get away with it looking…nice.

Michael Bay is the football jock of film directors, essentially, he thinks he’s the big man on campus, he tries way to hard to be flash, which makes him look like a pretentious show off. Yet, like the football jock, people are attracted at what he does, he can even convince the haters at rare occasion to like what he’s doing. I’m not saying “Pain & Gain” is by no means genius work, but it’s damn good entertainment and very very funny.


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