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LIVE BLOG W/ Aaron: 85th Annual Oscars!!!!

February 24, 2013

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8:28PM – We’re two minutes away! Exciting!

8:30PM – A Tommy Lee joke! FINALLY!

8:31PM – Poor Ben.

8:32PM – Seth’s doing pretty well.

8:34PM – Oh nice, Rihianna & Chris Brown, Mel Gibson & “Django” jokes. Lovely

8:35PM – Captain Kirk! REALLY!!? WOW!

8:37PM – A song about Boobs! YES! This is Seth!

8:40PM – Whoa, Channing Tatum, Charlize Theron, and MacFarlene in a musical number? Now I’ve seen it all.

8:41PM – Sock puppet version of “Flight”! This is maddness! Love it!

8:42PM – Denzel was in the Nutty Professor movies?

8:43PM – JGL! Potter!

8:44PM – Seth is bringing back the Flying Nun, that’s nice.

8:45PM – Seth loves being the Bandit. Of course.

8:47PM – Yes, ok, I’ll admit it, Seth MacFarlene has the voice of an angel.

8:48PM – Octavia Spencer presents Best Supporting Actor…c’mon Christoph!

8:50PM – BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR– Christoph Waltz, “Django Unchained”

YES! YES! YES! YES!!!!!!! So, I guess now he has to do every movie for the rest of his career with QT.

8:54PM – So, my guess is that Tommy Lee Jones has that, ‘fuck it’ attitude right about now. Who will make him laugh???

8:56PM – Paul Rudd & Melissa McCarthy need to do a movie together, oh wait…“This is 40”. They need to star together.

8:57PM – BEST ANIMATED SHORT – “Paperman”

LOVED IT! LOVE IT! Perfect animated short in every way! Point one for Disney tonight!

8:59PM – BEST ANIMATED FEATURE – “Brave”

Congrats to my lil brother’s mentor!

9:00PM – Getting a peek at three of the nine Best Picture Nominees. “Les Miserables”“Life of Pi”, and “Beasts of the Southern Wild”.

9:05PM – AVENGERS ASSEMBLE!!! Presenting Best Cinematography, c’mon Deakins! And yes, Sam Jackson looks like a pimp.

9:06PM – BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY – Claudio Miranda, “Life of Pi”

Aahhhhhh, Deakins was robbed!

9:09PM – Avengers present Visual Effects too!

9:10PM – BEST VISUAL EFFECTS – “Life of Pi”

How embarrassing that the Avengers lost out to an Ang Lee religious fantasy film. And points to the theme score for “Jaws”.

9:15PM – Jennifer Anniston & Channing Tatum present Costumes & Make-Up. Channing is not a fan of body waxing. Is anyone?

9:17PM – BEST COSTUME DESIGN – “Anna Karenina”

CALLED IT!

9:19PM – BEST MAKE-UP – “Les Miserables”

I really wanted “Hitchcock” to take this one, but I digress.

9:21PM – The only Bond girl they could get is Halle Berry???? OK.

9:22PM – 50 yrs of Bond! Here we go! The Music of Bond!

9:23PM – SHIT! That theme will be stuck in my head for the next week. Curse you 007!

9:24PM – Now I wanna listen to ‘Live & Let Die’!

9:25PM – Shirley Bassey singing ‘Goldfinger’!!! DAMN! “GOOOOLLLLLDDDFINGA’!”

9:27PM – Standing O for Bassey! YES INDEED! That was epic!

9:32PM – Jamie Foxx & Kerry Washington present Live Action Short. Why can’t I have a suit like Jamie Foxx???

9:33PM – BEST LIVE ACTION SHORT – “Curfew”

This one looks really cool. I’ll have to iTunes it.

9:35PM – BEST DOCUMENTARY SHORT“Inocente”

This does look very interesting, have to iTunes that one too.

9:37PM – Liam Neeson! You bad ass mother fucker! Presenting a few more Best Picture nominees. “Argo”“Lincoln”, & “Zero Dark Thirty”

9:41PM – Lincoln jokes, it’s just too soon. 150 yrs and it’s just too soon.

9:42PM – Quite the smooth talker Seth.

9:43PM – Benjamin Affleck presents Best Documentary. Apparently “The Gatekeepers” is NOT about Zuul.

9:45PM – BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE – “Searching for Sugarman”

YES YES YES YES! This was just a pure amazing amazing movie! SEE THIS MOVIE! ALL OF YOU!!!!

9:49PM – The Oscars are like going to church, except everyone at the Oscars is praying more. LAWL!

9:50PM – Jessica Chastain & Jennifer Garner. Oh god I’m in heaven!

9:51PM – BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FEATURE – “Amour”

Called it! It’s a good movie, no question there. Congrats to Austria. And Mr. Heneke good for him!

9:53PM – John Travolta’s coming out speech??? Oh, just movie musical stuff.

9:54PM – “Chicago” 10 yr anniversary of Best Picture. WOW! Oh Catherine Zeta Jones!

9:56PM – Zeta Zeta Zeta, legs legs legs, Jones Jones Jones

9:57PM – “Dreamgirls”. Very nice. You go gurl!

9:59PM – Show ’em your stuff Hudson!

10PM – “Les Mis” cast performs. This is gonna be good!

10:01PM – Hugh Jackman! That is all. One Day More…

10:02PM – ‘One Day More’, this is probably the greatest song ever.

10:03PM – Major chills! Even though Russell Crowe sounds AWEFUL!

10:08PM – And here’s NEW Captain Kirk!

10:10PM – Mark & Ted! This is awesome! Is there a Post-Oscar Orgy Party!?!?!? And it’s at Jack Nickolson’s!

10:12PMBEST SOUND MIXING – “Les Miserable”

Figures.

10:14PM – Jew jokes by Ted, LOVE IT!

10:15PM – BEST SOUND EDITING – “Zero Dark Thirty”“Skyfall”

A tie?!?!? Has this ever happened before?!?!? Did “Skyfall” just get sloppy seconds???

10:19PM – We needed that random Nazi moment, didn’t we? Oh look, Christopher Plummer!

10:20PM – BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS – Anne Hathaway, “Les Miserable”

Way to go Anne! You deserved this one, BIG TIME! By the way your boobs are terrifyingly scary right now and I’m afraid they’re going to fire machine gun bullets at me.

10:29PM – Academy President, blah blah blah…oh wait, the announcement of the Academy of Motion Picture Museum? That’s interesting and the film students!

10:31PM – Sandra Bullock, you hot sassy thing you!

10:32PMBEST FILM EDITING – William Goldenberg, “Argo”

This one was a no brainer, the editing was simply astounding!

10:34PM  – Adele sings her hit, “Skyfall”! That’s right, she’s unstoppable!

10:35PM – Seriously, who doesn’t like Adele? You can’t NOT like her!

1044PM – Sweet JESUS Nicole Kidman is one hot Aussie! Presenting more Academy Best Pic nominees. “Silver Linings Playbook”“Django Unchained”, & “Amour”.

10:47PM – Harry Potter & Bella??? This can’t be! No! No! No! No! Oh my, Kristen Stewart looks very VERY stoned…this got interesting.

10:49PM – BEST PRODUCTION DESIGN – “Lincoln”

Solid win, solid.

10:50PM – Ooo la-la, Selma Hayek.

10:52PM – Wow, they’re not really doing that Jean Hersholt Award thing at the Oscars.

10:57PM – The Cloon present the Remembering moment of the show.

10:58PM – Awww I forgot that Michael Clarke Duncan passed away.

11PM – Awww Tony Scott, why why why???

11:01PM – “Barbara! It’s Barbara!!! I CAN DIE NOW! I CAN DIE! BARBARA YA’ BEAUTIFUL!!! I’m getting verklempt!”

11:08PM – The Cast of “Chicago” all back together again. Present the music awards.

11:09PM – BEST ORIGINAL SCORE – “Life of Pi”, Mychael Danna

Eh. I would’ve rathered seen John Williams or Alexandre Desplat take this prize.

 11:14PM – Norah Jones! TED! Noice!

11:16PM – BEST ORIGINAL SONG – “Skyfall”, Adele & Paul Epworth

YES YES YES YES! Worthy win! I mean how can you not like Adele?!?

11:22PM – Dustin Hoffman looks like a circus midget. LAWL! And he made Charlize blush.

 11:24PM – BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY – “Argo”, Chris Terrio

NICE! Argo fuck yourselves! All of you!

11:26PM – BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY – “Django Unchained”, Quentin Tarantino

FUCKIN A YES!!!!!!!

11:28PM – Don’t EVER play off QT!

11:29PM – Looks like they’re running late, ladies and gents, it’s now the 2014 Oscars.

11:32PM – Annndd we’re late. Oh look, Jane Fonda & Michael Douglas!

11:34PM – BEST DIRECTOR – Ang Lee, “Life of Pi”

NO NO NO NO! This is WRONG! ALL WRONG! What about David O. Russell!??!? Don’t stand for this average movie! NO NO NO!!!!

11:40PM – Look out George Clooney, here comes Jean Dujardin.

11:41PM – BEST ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE – Jennifer Lawrence, “Silver Linings Playbook”

Oh shit did she fall! She did fall. Congrats to JLa! She DESERVED this win!

11:45PM – Meryl Streep need not intro, classy.

11:46PM – BEST ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE – Daniel-Day Lewis, “Lincoln”

The second person to win three Oscars for Best Acting. Congrats DDL!

11:49PM – So DDL was supposed to play Margret Thatcher and Streep as Lincoln? I’d see those movies!

11:51Pm – Watch out ladies! Jack’s in the house! Best Picture! Michelle Obama!!?!? WHAT THE WHAT!?!!? Ok, why not, we saw Channing Tatum dance with Charlize Theron. Bring it.

 11:56PM – BEST PICTURE  – “Argo”

YES! Well deserved win! Don’t ever snub Ben ever again! Good night everyone, I’m gonna watch “The Walking Dead” now.

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