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“Red Dawn” [2012] – Early Review (NEGATIVE)

November 14, 2012

AMURRICA, FUCK YEAH! That’s your target audience for this lame brain Americanized propaganda shit fest. It’s filled with dull characters, shotty dialogue, and action set pieces that were clearly ripped off from a Christopher Nolan Batman movie. Lets take a moment to clarify, if something was already not so good in the first place, DON’T REMAKE IT!

The North Korean’s are coming! The North Korean’s are coming! Spokane, Washington has been invaded by North Korea and has become a sector of that country under its tyrannical rule. Who can save us? A bunch of high school kids who’ve never shot a gun in their lives. The wolverines are lead by Jed (Chris Hemsworth), an Iraq war vet/older brother to Matt (Josh Peck). Jed trains the kids with squirt guns in the middle of the forest to prepare them for war. Sounds realistic to me! After their brief stance in the woods, the wolverines fight back and suffer not as many causalities as real life would actually present.

I’m not gonna bullshit you here, this movie was dumb. It had so many plot holes, too many laughable moments, when they weren’t supposed to be comedic. It was a very sloppy movie, plain and simple. The actor half assed it and came off like any generic pretty face 20 something year olds playing 17/18 year olds. Josh Peck, I love him, I think he’s a really funny actor and can do serious dramatic work just fine (look at “The Wackness” & “Bully”) but my God he is so out of his element in this movie. His “Braveheart”-esq ending speech is so pathetic, I literally began to burst into tears laughing. My buddy Taylor went with me, we were calling the movie out left in right, that was probably the most entertaining aspect of the film, well that and witnessing a snide couple being kicked out of the theater for being on their cell phones.

The camera work in this movie is soooo fucking shaking, I was getting sick at times. Shaky camera, the way I see it is one of the most challenging aspects in cinematography. You need someone very tall and with complete control, from past experiences of my own, I’ve learned the hard way. The action in the movie itself has been done to death. If you watch “The Dark Knight” before this movie, I guarantee you you’ll start to see similarities. There is however one great shot, the last shot sadly, when all the American prisoners escape their concentration camps, and run out as a crowded unit with the American flag flaring in the air, that was a pretty epic moment.

I felt so embarrassed to call myself an American, to me this movie felt like it was written and directed by foreign people who imagine what the clichéd stereotypical American talks and acts like. The three Navy seals that show up in the movie, one of them is a pure stereotype that rubbed me the wrong way: MO’Tard! Seriously!? Get your high mighty head out of your ass movie! My God, you’re giving our enemies more reasons to hate us! I will say this about the original 80’s film, at least it had fun with itself, this version took itself too goddamn seriously!


Special thanks to Taylor Rabow for attending the advance screening and sharing his hilarious input

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