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“Snow White & the Huntsman” – Early Review (SO-SO)

May 30, 2012

Tarsem Singh’s “Mirror, Mirror” came and went; that overzealous, candy-coated, goo-goo ga-ga of a Snow White film is now forgotten. It’s summer and the action packed thrill ride version of the Snow White fable has finally arrived in the form of “Snow White and the Huntsman”. But, is it the fairest one of all? Hardly.

Snow White (Kristen Stewart) is the only person in the land fairer than the evil Queen Ravenna (Charlize Theron). Unable to tolerate the insult to her vanity, and fear that her youth and power may be tarnished forever, the evil queen learns from her mysterious living mirror entity that she must kill and consume Snow White’s heart. The queen sends a nameless Huntsman (Chris Hemsworth) to kill Snow. However the huntsman finds himself unable to murder the innocent young woman, and instead ends up training her to become a warrior capable of threatening the queen’s reign. The two band together, putting aside their differences and journey to the royal Duke (Vincent Regan) who with his son William (Sam Claflin), yes as in Prince William, lead a resistance against Queen Ravenna.

The movie is stark with dazzling and wondrous imagery. The journeys through the hellish dark forest will freak out even the most timid of acid or shroom users. You’ll be captivated when Snow and the gang venture through the Sanctuary forest, home of the ferries, it’s quite a sight to behold. If this movie has anything going for it, it’s the incredible stylistic and surreal visual effects; truly a work of fantastical cinematic art at it’s finest. That’s it, that’s really the best thing about this movie, sad isn’t it?

The filmmakers approached this as sort of a “Batman Begins” style reboot/retelling of the classic fairytale. The Grimm influences are present here, it’s quite clear, but in the end there only so much you can do with the Snow White tale. Sure, there’s a few twist and turns, but nothing that leaves a major impact. You can’t reinvent the wheel; Snow is the fairest, Huntsman is sent to kill her, she meets seven dwarves (they steal the film), eats a poison apple, and a kiss awakens her from the fatal slumber. The movies overall story is boring. The queen needs the youth of beautiful woman to stay alive? It just seems like such a bland evil villainous tactic. Not to mention that the scripts overall dialogue is completely piss poor writing, example, ‘You’ll be a Queen in heaven now’. Who the fuck says crap like that?!?!

Not much great character development present here, and it’s especially a major negative to have such a bland actress play a famous enchanting character. If many of you Kristen Stewart haters still need a fresh reminder that she’s a terrible actress, look no farther. She’s makes that stupid one note facial expression throughout, you know, the look where it looks like she’s taking a massive dump, but is a little constipated? However, there is a silver lining, she doesn’t talk that much in the film, although she gives an “inspirational speech” near the end, it’s probably the most embarrassing thing to watch on the big screen. Another silver lining goes to Charlize & Hemsworth. Charlize is down right fuckin’ demented as the queen. She can play crazy, rent “Monster”, and her crazy is on a different level here, but it’s enough to make you thrust back into your seat and say aloud, “WTF?!” Hemsworth—you know what? Fuck it; I’m calling him Thor from now on, ‘cause that’s who he is in the end. Thor owned it as Huntsman; I personally would like a spin-off film focusing on his character, he’s far more interesting than Snow White or the Evil Queens problems combined.

The film is directed by feature debut filmmaker Rupert Sanders, while I’m being rough on the films overall story and structure, he’s got a keen eye for visual style, and I’m sure it will suit him quite well in the future. Sanders is the same bloke who brought “Halo” fans the epically awesome “Halo 3” YouTube short films. I’m sure he’ll make something even better in his next feature, hell I’d love to see him earn the spot as director for the development hell of a film that is “Halo”. But, for now, we’ll come to know him as that great visionary who brought us a beautiful looking bland film. Such a shame life is, it’s like eating a poison apple. Before I forget, Bob Hoskins, Nick Frost, and Ray Winestone are three of the seven dwarves!

GRADE: C-

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. May 30, 2012 4:41 pm

    Sounds like something I’ll definitely have to see. Great visual imagery is enough for me even if the acting and/or story isn’t up to par. As long as it’s not the childish crap of Mirror, Mirror than I’m good with it.

  2. May 31, 2012 8:41 pm

    I don’t know what film you watched but I thought it was bloody amazing!

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